You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
