I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
