I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize