i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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