she looked like the before picture.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
