i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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