It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
