Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
