I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
