I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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