Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
