i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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