he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize