I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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