you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
