So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
