i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
