I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
