He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize