I accidentally burped into my bong.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
