i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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