u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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