The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
