I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
