Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
