I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize