Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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