i already hear my dad disowning me
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
