Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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