Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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