First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
