Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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