your thong is hanging out like whoa
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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