i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
either way he was missing a nipple.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Randomize