trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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