Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
