Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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