so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
