Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
