I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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