Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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