We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
