Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
