he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
NoShamevember. You game?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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