Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
