So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
where are my eyebrows?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
