You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize