I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
