she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize