Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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