I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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