You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize