Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
