I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
