Got a toothbrush?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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