there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
