she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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