new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I need to align my fucking chakras
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
