do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We just shotgunned beers for America
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
