I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
