if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
