All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
