why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sober January is a disaster.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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