She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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