the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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