I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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