i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
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