there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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