I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
