false alarm. still invincible.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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