i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
