I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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