Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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