She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
