try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
