Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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