can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize