Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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