he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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