Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
