did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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