While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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