Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I want a musical about memes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
