i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
