Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
