i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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