he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The feeling are messing with the penis
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
