i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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