we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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