What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
