I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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