I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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