My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
