God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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