if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
