My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
